Growing Up

Growing up is hard to due. That sounds like a Neil Sedaka song. But, seriously, it's the hardest thing you will ever do. This has been the oddest year for me, as a teenager. I feel like since high school is nearly over, we're all really growing up. We'll be adults soon. And that's a terrifying thought.
What does it even mean to be an adult? How can you really determine the moment a person has "grown up?" I guess that moment is different for everyone. But most people face their first experience with adulthood during their teenage years. I actually remember the day I realized I was going to be an adult. I don't what to give too much information, but that day I realized I was going to be not only an adult, but a woman. I saw womanhood as a mysterious cult, that I was now a part of. It was an interesting experience for me. I was always a tom boy: dressing in my brother's clothes, playing with matchbox cars, buying everything Spiderman, and never, never wearing the color pink! I don't know why, but I think a lot of girls go through a tom boy stage. But I did grow out of it. Now I see womanhood as part of my identity. It's like I've grown a new identity since that day.

For my retrospective blog. What a boss word that is.

Part of growing up isn't just thinking about the future, but it involves a lot of reminiscing. Sometimes I long for being a kid again. It's true what they say, the smarter you are the less fun you have. As people grow older, they have more problems, more worries, and more fears. When I was young I never worried about my future. In fact I had it all planned out at the age of four: "I'm going to be a writer!" Now I honestly couldn't tell you what I'm going to be. As a kid I had no cares. I never worried about homework, or boys, or college. I never cared about what I was going to wear the next day, how balanced my diet was, how well I was doing in school. My childhood is a blur because nothing traumatic, upsetting, or interesting ever happened to me. I was too busy enjoying the moment. How did I go from that ratty little tomboy to this confused, lazy, teenage girl?
Yes, confused and lazy, that sums it up. These blogs are due by midnight and I started them at 11. talk about procrastination. As a teenager I do nothing but procrastinate. I was going to start this blog at 9 o'clock but I decided to listen to the entire "Retrospective" album (by Buffalo Springfield) and draw in my sketchbook. I did that for an hour. I am a master at time wasting. I absolutely hate being a teenager. I have mood swings, acne, stress, work, and school. But it comforts me to know that everyone else is dealing with this too. We all have to grow up and get through this awkward time in life.
Teenage years are all about reflecting on the past, and worrying about the future. I don't mean to bum anyone out with this rant, but that's life.